You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize