I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize