There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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