My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
