I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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