it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
