so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
