you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
