I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
