ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
