i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
