I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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