so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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