One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
