I am in a vortex of obligation.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
