I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
