I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
