so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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