so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
