As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
