i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
