Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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