In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
