she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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