i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
