I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
