so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
