According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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