I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
