I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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