My nipple is on Facebook.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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