sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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