We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize