Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
