You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
