It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
