Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
