i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
