I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
