I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize