U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
