He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
