Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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