if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sober January is a disaster.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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