Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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