I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize