Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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