I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it because I queefed?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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