I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
