Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
