I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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