dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
whose parrot is this?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
