I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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