The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
