Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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