What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
