Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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