at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
