Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
