somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
