Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
