Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
