i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
