"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
