He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
