you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
