ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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