No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
