It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
