Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize