i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
